i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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