Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize