I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
