if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
