I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
