Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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