I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
