You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
