Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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