I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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