My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's just like the Real World with babies
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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