I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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