ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
