The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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