My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
