well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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