hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
