yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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