I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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