Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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