I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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