I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
