so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
