that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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