Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize