From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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