So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
