remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
