margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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