she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
