There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
