I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
