Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
