Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Duck Duck Cougar?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize