I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
