I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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