yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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