Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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