Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
