if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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