No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
