I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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