Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize