I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
