Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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