...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
organizing the empties. That sober.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
