hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
