3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Pants are for mortals
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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