you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
