remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
