The maid of honor just puked.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
