textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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