there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
