In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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