Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
