i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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