i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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