i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
