He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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