No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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