Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
