You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have fence marks all over my body
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize