It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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