playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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