If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
