you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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