Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
