areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
