did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
