Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
