Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize