I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When did angry sex become our thing?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
