i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
